All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
