In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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