I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
