If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
