Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
