I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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