first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
