ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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