I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Boobs speak an international language.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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