the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize