Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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