I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
