I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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