well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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