dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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