He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
