we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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