when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
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I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had sex on a roof
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I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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