My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We are two peas in an std pod
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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