I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Shame - the story of my life.
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