also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Randomize
