So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
