Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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