Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
