The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
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what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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