I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
