You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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