Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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