i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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