Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
