I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's just like the Real World with babies
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
