I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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