so let's talk penis.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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