There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
