what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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