guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
