I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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