Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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