Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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