Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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