This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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