ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
