Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
FUCK WHALES
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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