You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ketchup is God's man juice
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
