You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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