Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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