I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
