Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
