This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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