just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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