: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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