thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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