need another drink. this is the easiest way
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to sanitize my soul.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think people are normalizing furries
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
