I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
