..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
