So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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