Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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