we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
