WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
