i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I looked at my own cervix.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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