Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
