I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
